8/7/2012...Do over...

[nittygrittyjody]

Watching the Olympians and seeing such dedication and LIFE they put into their particular sport has made me stop and think of my own childhood/life.

Here's the question of the day...if you could have a childhood "do over", would you want to be "pushed" into something that maybe your parent(s) or teacher or friend or coach knew you could be successful in to the point of it being 'your life'? Maybe not even a sport, but even in dance or music or writing or painting? WERE you pushed in something to the point where you were excelling in it? Or were you ever "pushed" too far that all you wanted to do was to 'get out'?!

My short answer is yes...to a point. I took a few years of piano lessons and wish now that my parents hadn't let me 'out' so easily. I wish I could go back and do better and find my own passion for it. I wish the same for a few sports and writing too. But I get that there is a line that gets crossed far too easily and it takes the fun out of it for everyone.
I struggle with this as a parent. Especially as a parent of kids that span different ages and abilities. I love seeing people with their own drive inside wo don't even 'need to be pushed'- they just go for it. That to me is the best part of the Olympics and seeing young people be successful. I love when a person's passion just shapes who they become!

[DeniseM]

Hmm, interesting question Jody.
No. No do overs for me. I really believe, at least for me, it all happened the way it should have. I was a swimmer and loved it but was sick one year with mono and had a difficult time getting back into the same condition I had been. No one pushed me but at 16, (had been swimming competitively since I was 10) I should have pushed myself if I really wanted it. I guess I didn't. I still LOVE to swim and have taught dozens of children, mine and friends and family. I can still swim a mile. It's okay.
It is interesting that you mentioned this about kids though. parenting is tough enough, I don't need that guilt as well!! But seriously, we were just watching men's gymnastics and Jameson said, "why did you let me quit gymnastics, I was good." He was good. He was asked to be on a travel team with older boys when he was 7. It was going to be time consuming, and expensive. Bill and I talked to the coach who was really encouraging us to say yes. We decided we would do it if Jameson wanted to. We asked Jameson what he wanted to do, explaining what it would entail. He decided he didn't want to compete. His words were, I like gymnastics but I like other things too. I suppose we could have given him a bit more of a push, and you know what, he might have done it, and really went far. But the truth is, you have to love what you do. You can achieve amazing things with talent, opportunities and support but you also need passion.
We have always encouraged the boys to try different things and stick with it for the season, year, etc. some things stick, some don't, I am okay with that.

[Sherry C]

My parents never pushed us to do anything... I think I could have used a push or two.

With my own children, I let them try out different things and see what sticks. I just want to be here to support them and help them find their passion - whatever that may be.

[alizadeutsch]

I saw this yesterday, but I needed to sit with my response for a bit. This might be long, so go grab a cup of coffee. Or you might want to skip to the next response.
I had a great childhood-loving family-which really is all that matters. And I have no regrets about my life thus far.
Except for one. I loooved to dance as a kid (and a little later, gymnastics too.), and I had a good amount of talent. Even now, whenever I go to a yoga class or some such thing, someone will say, "It looks like you have a dance background." But I don;t really. I was able to take classes here and there, but I was never able to study it on a regular basis. I was never able to go to classes several times a week, and work my butt off at it. And, I wanted to so badly.
The reason is mostly religious upbringing. First was just the technical scheduling aspect. In Orthodox,Jewish, private schools there are two full time curricula going on: regular studies and then Judaic studies. So the school day is long, and in elementary school I just finished school to late for any local classes. By high school, I had classes till 5/6 pm, plus an hour long commute. I managed to take classes here and there; in the summer, in the evenings. Sometimes I took classes with 4 year-olds, and sometimes with adults. Whatever was available.

Now, on the one hand, my family was supportive. When I found a class, they drove me wherever I wanted to go. And they never said no. My mother always complimented my dance, and said, "I bet you'll do something with that some day." And I would always say, "but I don't know enough!" So while they did everything for me that I asked, I wish they took a little more initiative to help me. I was always the one looking over the phone book for schools at and course catalogs. I wish they would have said, "Wow, you are really passionate about this. Let me see how I can help you." And, I think to some degree they were probably a little uncomfortable with it from a religious perspective. There are rules about dress in Orthodoxy that are hard to follow in a dance class, plus all that body movement, and boys and girls together. It just is not typical in the Orthodox community for someone to be a dancer. Again, I didn't grow up in a painfully restrictive religious environment, but there were rules and norms, and that affected things.
I will add just one more thought (hopefully). Aside from the religious stuff, I think that whatever that thing is-passion, maybe-that makes people work so hard to dance or sing or make it into the Olympics, I think that I was just different than the rest of my family. My sister was telling me recently about my niece (she's 11, and we are similar), who was taking her younger sister to an art class to drop her off. She became interested in what they were doing, and the teacher told her she could stay and take the class, if she didn't mind being with four year-olds. And she didn't. And, I told my sister, "Oh, that sounds like me." And my sister agreed, and added about herself that, "I just never had anything that I cared about that much." But I did. So I think my parents saw my passion, and recognized it, and even admired it,but just couldn't necessarily relate to it. And, I don't blame them, i just wish...
Ok, one more paragraph to tie it all together. I am not trying to say that I would've been the world's greatest, most famous dancer. I might still be a 37 year old, preschool teacher, who thinks about how she used to be good at dance, but now is busy with work, and family. And, that's fine with me. I don't regret not being a professional dancer. I regret not having the opportunity to learn and improve at something that I loved. I could take dance classes now if I wanted to, and i choose not to, because of the time and expense. I'd rather be home with my family. I think that scrapbooking (which I can do at home) has fulfilled that creative desire and need. It's the thing that I go back to and keep working on it over and over again. And I push myself through non-creative times. And, I've learned things and gotten better. It gives me goals, and even just the tactile process of crafting--I think it's related to the kinesthetic sense or need that I had that made me want to dance.

Ok, I swear I'm done. Who do I give my 200 bucks to for this therapy session?

[alizadeutsch]

Oh my, now that I see how long that is, I am sooo embarressed.

[Sherry C]

Oh my, now that I see how long that is, I am sooo embarressed.

Ha! Don't be... thanks for sharing! I had a similar situation with strict religious standards which kept me from participating in so many activities that I loved. It's okay though, it definitely gave me a different perspective on raising my own children.

[StephanieEloise]

That was awesome! I had a similar experience, having known that I always wanted to be a designer, but coming from a small town, didn't really know what a "graphic designer" was. I figure if I had known, I would have focused on that and gotten an actual design degree rather than a communications degree.

I just figure that I'm not in control, and everything happens for a reason!

[mlepitts]

Aliza, I'm so glad you shared those thoughts with us. Don't be embarrassed. Thank you.

I love the Olympics because it makes me realize I can achieve my own goals, I'm the only one preventing me from heading out to walk around the track every morning. I'm lazy. On the days I do get up early enough to accomplish those goals, I'm SO proud of myself. I may never look like that 37 year old beach volleyball player, but I can get fit, it just takes personal commitment.

There are plenty of things I wish I could do over, but I really try not to dwell on them because we have a finite amount of time and more goals and dreams than can fit into that time. I believe that life doesn't end here with death, and I'm hoping there will be a clause in that system where I can do all those things I wanted to do but didn't have time/resources to do them. Eternal optimist here

It's a great motivator to go and do right now though. Getting over the lazy part is what I really need to work on Great question Jody!

[mlepitts]

That was awesome! I had a similar experience, having known that I always wanted to be a designer, but coming from a small town, didn't really know what a "graphic designer" was. I figure if I had known, I would have focused on that and gotten an actual design degree rather than a communications degree.

I just figure that I'm not in control, and everything happens for a reason!

I would love to have studied design in college. The reason I didn't? I didn't want to do an unpaid internship. How silly is that? I just didn't know enough and was scared of the unknown. So I majored in the safest field I knew, English. I'm good at writing, it's easy. I still find myself shying away from things I'd like to accomplish because I'm afraid. You'd think by age 40, that would go away...

[AmberCA]

Such a great question.
I do wish that my parents or grandparents would have pushed me to go to art school or college. It just was never discussed in my house. I wish someone would have sat me down and encouraged me to follow my dreams and pushed me to make better choices. I know that I had so much artistic talent and I feel like I wasted it a little. On the other hand I know that the path I chose was in God's will for me ( I got married 2 months out of high school and worked at a bookstore, and then started our family) but I was very young....too young. I don't know, I think about these things all the time, but I can't change it, so why worry about it. I have a beautiful family that I adore and that love me as well.

Also my daughters say to me all the time, "Mom, why didn't you keep us in dance lessons?" or "mom, why didn't you push me to play on instrument?" I have so much guilt about those things.

[Korbyn5]

Great topic Jody!!! I was a competitive dancer all the way thru high school and then after graduation I quit. I stopped because even at 98 lbs as a 5'9" senior, I was told I weighed too much!!! I decided at that time that I didn't want to continue with it because I didn't want to start having an eating disorder or something with so much focus on weight. I don't know that I would change that decision but I wish I would have continued some dance instead of dropping it all. I truly miss how much fun I had with it. And I can't watch dancing shows (SYTYCD) without getting depressed!! So now i am enjoying getting into Zumba to help.

[alizadeutsch]

Well thanks for not banning me for my long rant. I guess we all have those things that could have been different, which doesn't mean you would trade your current life for anything in the world.

we have a finite amount of time and more goals and dreams than can fit into that time. I believe that life doesn't end here with death, and I'm hoping there will be a clause in that system where I can do all those things I wanted to do but didn't have time/resources to do them.

I do have a few things about which I say I'm saving for "my next life." I'm not sure what I believe about that, but it's my way of realizing you just can't fit it all in.

[justmarti]

Aliza, I'm so glad you shared those thoughts with us. Don't be embarrassed. Thank you.

I love the Olympics because it makes me realize I can achieve my own goals, I'm the only one preventing me from heading out to walk around the track every morning. I'm lazy. On the days I do get up early enough to accomplish those goals, I'm SO proud of myself. I may never look like that 37 year old beach volleyball player, but I can get fit, it just takes personal commitment.

There are plenty of things I wish I could do over, but I really try not to dwell on them because we have a finite amount of time and more goals and dreams than can fit into that time. I believe that life doesn't end here with death, and I'm hoping there will be a clause in that system where I can do all those things I wanted to do but didn't have time/resources to do them. Eternal optimist here

It's a great motivator to go and do right now though. Getting over the lazy part is what I really need to work on Great question Jody!

I'm with you, emily! I need to hold myself accountable for missing my morning workouts.

In many ways, I raised myself. I was the one arranging to go to church with friends because my parents didn't attend. I begged for ballet lessons, piano lessons, gymnastics, etc. - but it just was never important to them to look into it. As a severe asthmatic, the doctors pushed me to go into swimming, but my mom assumed that meant playing in the pool for fun. I so wish she'd have put me in lessons, or on a team. But, I'm like emily and Stephanie - everything happens the way it should. I am right where I was meant to be. However, when my kids want to try something, I let them.

[nittygrittyjody]

I bet even Dr. Phil would be happy with all your responses, ladies! Thanks for jumping in with all your thoughts.
I can see a few scrap pages coming out of your posts. Who wants to take THAT challenge?!

[mlepitts]

OOOO, a challenge! I could do that